Tuesday, August 21, 2012

7 Year Blog - Day 96 - Military Character

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to abdicate my self as life to be governed and controlled in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define my self by the mind consciousness system picture-definition of the military character I created as a strong, muscular white male with a look of determination on his face, shirtless with sweat on the body and arms, and army pants and boots on.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define my self through the actions of violence, control, dominance, endurance, and conflict in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define my self as the picture of my self with a sword as a martial arts expert in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be "militaristic" in my interactions with other forms of existence defined in and as the actions of energetic defense; deliberate, forceful, rythmic walking; a hard look, demanding equal, extreme discipline from my self and others irregardless of point of process; defining my tongue as a sword in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to charge the mind consciousness system military character I created with thoughts of dominance through violence.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe it is my fate to be the mind consciousness system military character I created and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe I am justified in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to exercise the mind consciousness system military character I created in preparation for my destiny as the avenger of life on earth and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to become possessed by the belief that I am the avenger of life on earth and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that to avenge life on earth is to bring peace and wholeness, oneness and equality, rather than violence, conflict, and separation in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created..

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to ask my neighbor as my self to spar with me as an outlet for the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to become possessed in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created in the belief it is justified and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that life on earth is peaceful and there is no need for violence and thus no need for the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to walk in the footsteps of Jesus and to bring fire, and to bring conflict rather than peace and wholeness and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to follow an equal in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created rather than walking equal to the message of an equal.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define my self as "the strongest ever" in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my neighbor as my self as "weak" and "inferior".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to abdicate my responsibility to walk peacefully and wholly to the mind consciousness system military character I created and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that my responsibility is peace and wholeness, oneness and equality, not the conflict and separation of the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to turn plowshares into swords and pruning hooks into spears in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my neighbor as my self based on the presence or lack of presence of a self-created mind consciousness system military character and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to attach the thought "they are doomed" to those in whom I did not sense a self-created mind consciousness system military character or whose actions I judged "not able to support life".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define life by death through my killing of life form in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created through the point of survival and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define survival as death.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to copy the image the human called Reginald aka Ribai (hebrew for strife) created for himself in and as the mind consciousness system military character and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to look at the scriptures from the point of view of the mind consciousness system military character I created as conflict and as a god of war rather than peace and wholeness in oneness and equality and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe the thought "it is a war out there" and the thought "everyone is a potential enemy to Christ" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be directed by the self-created mind consciousness system military character of my neighbor as my self and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to stand up here as life in and as peace and wholeness without conflict.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to prepare my self with the raw materials for a self-created mind consciousness system military character take-over by accepting and allowing the creation of a world that does not support life and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing the creation of a world that supports conflict and violence and death.

I commit my self to take responsibility as my self as life and to not abdicate my responsibility here as life to the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I commit my self to turn swords into plowshares and spears into pruning hooks.

I commit my self to forgive any and all memories of my creation of and possession in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

I commit my self to live responsibly in peace and wholeness.

I commit my self to heal the cracks in society by bringing the cracks together in and as life rather than creating more cracks through conflict in and as the mind consciousness system military character I created.

7 Year Blog - Day 95 - Mockery Possession

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self through oneness and equality to become possessed by the mind consciousness system design of mockery and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to "assume the position" and take upon my self the image of another through the energetic expression of malice in order to mock the position rather than to support it in and as life and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to accumulate physical mind memories in and as here to the point of being directed as possession by the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to deliberately think the thought "daddy's little boy + baby talk" in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery towards the homosexual design of "daddy and son" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to attach the image of my housemate to the homosexual design of "daddy and son" in the role of "daddy" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to encourage my housemate to accept and allow the belief that he is a "daddy" based on the homosexual design of "daddy and son" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my housemate as my neighbor as my self to believe that I am the "son" when in fact I do not consider my self to be "daddy" or "son".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to create a picture of me talking baby talk in a mocking way and to attach it to the thought "daddy's little boy + baby talk" in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to give the thought-picture of me mockingly saying "daddy's little boy + baby talk" a positive charge in order to justify the mockery as humor and comedy.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to express in and as my self the superiority/inferiority complex and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to accumulate memories of self-experience judged as "inferior" and to use this to accumulate negative reactions to what is called authority and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to mock what I judge to be authority figures in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery in reaction to my self-judgement as "inferior" rather than standing here as life in oneness and equality.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to exist in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery and to mock my neighbor as my self as a point of superiority, believing the thought within my self that "they don't know I am mocking them, they believe I am on their side" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my neighbor as my self as "inferior" and therefor justify my mockery of them in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to make a mockery of the female by copying their motions, mannerisms, and their dress as a child and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge femininity and my self in reaction to my self-expression as a mockery of the female and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to mock my self to my face in reaction to my covering up of my self as the feminine equal to the masculine and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to accumulate physical expression memories of lack of self-trust, lack of self-worth, lack of self-understanding, and lack of self-expression and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to stand up for my self as life as all as one as equal.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to mock the system in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery by taking upon my self the system and then not being serious about its use for and as life and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use mockery as a means of "waking people up" and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to use self-honesty to "wake people up" but rather to choose self-dishonesty in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to exist in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery as an act of desperation and last resort in reaction to the state of the earth and my belief that "it is hopeless, so what do I have to lose" and the belief "nothing else has worked so I will be violent in my intentions if not my actions" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing violence as a viable option even if it is the last option and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe the thought "people always respond positively to violence" and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize there is no difference between intent and action and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to exist in and as separation in reaction to my realization of of the state of things on earth as my responsibility and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe the thought "at least I am doing my part, I am fulfilling my responsibility by telling people about the current state of things by mocking their current expression" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to abdicate my responsibility in and as life to the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I commit my self to be here in and as life in self honesty without the fear of separation in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I commit my self to not react in fear to realizations of here.

I commit my self to forgive any and all memories that come up revealing moments I mocked my self, my neighbor as my self and my enemy in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I commit my self to forgive and and all memories that come up revealing moments I was mocked by my self, my neighbor as my self and my enemy in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to mock my brother Justin through the nickname "Big Head" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not stand up for my brother as my equal when my self or another in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery used the nickname "Big Head" in reference to my brother Justin and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing the mockery of my brother Justin through the nickname "Big Head" in reaction to my feelings of inferiority and fear and hope that I am not the point of mockery and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to energetically charge the mind consciousness system design of mockery in and as the energetic expressions of inferiority, fear, and hope.

I commit my self to not assume any position as it is an act of self-dishonesty and an open door to possession.

I commit my self to define my self and my words as life.

I commit my self to stopping my self in and as the mind consciousness system design of mockery.

I commit my self to take responsibility for my self in and as life and to not abdicate my responsibility to mind consciousness system designs but to reclaim it.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

7 Year Blog - Day 94 - Ego Self-Forgiveness

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to create an ego from the subconscious mind memories of generations past and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe my self to be the ego I created and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing a state of polarity to exist to insure the continued survival of the ego that I created.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to charge a current situation or create a situation insuring a positive role for my self to fuel the ego I created and I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to charge a current situation or create a situation insuring a negative role for my self to fuel the ego I created and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to play act as positive when in fact I am charging the situation as negative and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be afraid of others' reactions based on my thoughts of their reactions to the realization that I am being negative in and as the ego.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to speak defensively in and as the ego and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to perpetuate the friction caused by the unconscious mind and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to participate in the mind consciousness system as consciousness as an ego personality based on thought rather than standing as life here as oneness and equality and stopping the mind consciousness system and my participation in it.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to go into an emotional experience as anger in defense of the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to take responsibility for what is here and what has been here and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use violence and to become violent in and as the emotional experience of anger I created based on the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past as a refuge from the fear I felt in and as my self and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to be self-honest in and as every breath alleviating any point of entry for fear.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self in and as the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past to be an excuse to use the mind consciousness system and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to be here but rather choose to be there in and as the mind consciousness system.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing the ego I created as my self to set me up for failure time and time again and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize it is not a competition and that when resistance ends so does the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to create situations where my neighbor as my self is set up to fail and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use the failure of my neighbors as my self to fuel my ego and the superiority/inferiority complex that creates the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to go into an emotional experience of pity for the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fall in love with my ego and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use love to cover a multitude of sins and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that it is just a dream and that fake reality is not reality at all.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to cover up the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past as my dirty little secret and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that ego is a natural reaction to the conditions on earth and is part of the test of who is equal and one with life and who is not and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to argue with the ego I created from the subconscious mind memories of generations past and the egos created by others as my equal from the subconscious mind memories of generations past as though the ego is alive and adaptable, when in fact the created ego change it dies.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

7 Year Blog - Day 93 - Energetic Expressions Continued

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to subjugate my words to energetic expressions.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to subjugate my breath to energetic expressions.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to start the day from the moment I wake up with energetic expressions, giving positive and negative values to my thoughts and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my energetically charged thoughts, feelings, and emotions to direct me and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to abdicate my self responsibility to be here.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to end the day with energetic expressions and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to set my self up for energetic expressions when I sleep and when I awake.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be directed as energy for energy in and as smoking.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be directed in and as energy based on the amount of sleep I get or don't get.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use energy to direct sexual encounters.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be directed in and as energy in sexual encounters.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Self-Forgiveness Moment - Cow Pasture Memory

I was walking the dogs through a forest that borders a cow pasture, and as I walked up to the cow pasture, I caught a glimpse of the setting sun, open land, cows, the sounds of bugs and birds, the smells of cows and grass, the heat in the air, and I remembered being at my grandma's house with similar conditions, and I felt recognition of the situation in the past as being similar to the one I was experiencing at that moment.  I then felt a calm in this recognition, and an enjoyment of the "oneness" of the experience.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self an energetic feeling of calmness to exist in and as me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to limit the definition of the word "calm" to the picture of a sunset, cows, cow pasture, bug and bird sounds, the smell of cows and grass, and the heat in the air.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to give the "calm" a positive value and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to experience "calm" based on my limited definition of calm as the picture of a sunset, cows, cow pasture, bug and bird sounds, the smells of cows and grass, and the heat in the air as a positive energetic experience.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing the memory of my grandma's cow pasture experience to exist in and as me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to replace here with a memory of my grandma's cow pasture experience of similar picture of sunset, cows, cow pasture, bud and bird sounds, the smells of cows and grass, and the heat in the air.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to charge the similar memory of my grandma's cow pasture experience of a sunset, cows, a cow pasture, the smells of cows and grass, the sounds of bugs and birds, and the heat in the air with a positive value and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to enjoy the positive energetic memory moment.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing desire to be at my grandma's as it once was to exist in and as me  and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to connect this desire to a memory of cows, cow pasture, setting sun, bug and bird sounds, the smells of cows and grass, and the heat in the air.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to connect the memory of my grandma's as it once was to the word "calm" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to link the memory of my grandma's as it once was to the moment I was experiencing here.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not be here in every moment.

Upon deeper investigation into this moment, the hidden point linking this blog and Self-Forgiveness Moment - Ideal American Male is a desire to return to my past and redo my growing-up process.  In both of these experiences of memory I became an emotional expression, remorse/regret.  I will investigate this further here:

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that it is better in the past through the belief "there is so much more in the past than there is here", the belief "the past was much simpler than it is today", the belief "the past is already done so all I would have to do is experience it, as I can't change anything, therefor no responsibility", the belief "people were closer to nature in the past", the belief "people were nicer to each other in the past", and the belief that imaging "what I would have done differently is a valuable way to spend my time".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to link the past as memories to the belief that "it is better in the past" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to energetically charge my memories as either "positive" or "negative" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use my energetically charged memories to become and exist as remorse/regret and calmness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use my memories to build a character of calmness and a character of regret/remorse and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my memories as either "positive" or "negative" and use these judgements to build the energy of either the regret/remorse character or the calmness character.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that the solution is in the memories and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that the solution is in the characters created by the memories.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that I will accomplish a re-establishment of "positive" values by experiencing and critiquing my energetically charged childhood memories and through this I forgive my self for believing that I can become that which I believed I ought to have been when in fact I am what I ought to be here.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to turn an experience of self as the earth as a child into an energetically charged fog and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use this energetically charged fog of memories to direct my self away from here.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that some memories are more cherished than others and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my memories as either having achieved or not achieved this cherished status and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self based on my acquisition or lack of acquisition of memories and therefor the actual experiences as well and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not realize the solution is not to go back into the memories as energetic experiences but rather to be self-corrective here in and as the physical.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to link the picture of a setting sun, cows, cow pasture, bugs and bird sounds, the smells of cows and grass, and the heat of the air to the belief that "the past is better" and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to therefor energetically charge every memory similar to this picture of a setting sun, cows, cow pasture, bugs and bird sounds, the smells of cows and grass, and the heat in the air to any positively charge energetic expression and experience and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use these energetically charged pictures to support and maintain energetic expressions of regret/remorse and calmness through the belief that "the past is better."

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Self-Forgiveness Moment - Ideal American Male

I was at work, and on the radio, a country-western song started to play.  When I heard the sound of the song, I immediately went into a wishing/wanting mindframe and began to critique my experience based on my lack of expressing the "ideal country male".  To me, this includes a cowboy hat, boyish face with scruff, slightly bare chested with a white tank top under a flannel shirt of some sort, with blue jeans, a belt with a big buckle, and cowboy boots.  And the country/rural American accent.  I went through my memories of my childhood showing points of separation from this ideal, such as my choice to stay inside with the females and watch tv or cook rather than tend to livestock and grain fields or the image of masculinity and athleticism that I believe comes from working hard on the farm all one's days.  And points I was able, but not willing, to live this image, such as being what I describe as wild, or simple.  I then became disappointed in my self because I was given all of the "tools" to be this image, the location, the genetic history as physical experience of my anscestors, the experience of growing up on a farm, family members to join in with, etc. but I did the opposite.  I stopped my self from this energetic experience when I realized I may not reflect this idea of the "earthy American male" but I do reflect the earth.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing thought comparison between my memory of my self experience and what I believe to be the ideal American male to exist in and as me and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to become disappointed in my self based on my thought comparison between my memory of my self experience and what I believe to be the ideal American male and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to blame my self through my disappointment in my memory of my self experience as not equaling what I believe to be the ideal American male.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to go into an emotional experience of disappointment when I realized that my memories of my self experience will never be what I desire them to be as memories of what I believe to be the ideal American male and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to go into an emotional experience of blame in reaction to my disappointment in my self and my memories of my self experience and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to stop my self and forgive my self for going into an emotional experience at that moment.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to connect hearing a song on the radio to my thought comparison between my memory of my self experience and what I believe to be the ideal American male and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to use country/western music as a trigger point for my thought comparison of my memory of my self experience and what I believe to be the ideal American male and through this I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that I am of the earth and that I need no comparison, as all are of the earth, equally.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to desire to be what I believe to be the ideal American male.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing the desire to be what I believe to be the ideal American male to exist in and as me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to base my self understanding on what I believe to be the ideal American male and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to limit my understanding of what an earthling is based on my belief of what is an ideal American male.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self define "ideal American male" with the thought picture of a grown-up male with a boyish face, scruffy beard, wearing a cowboy hat, a white tank top under a flannel shirt of some sort, blue jeans, a belt with a big buckle, and cowboy boots with a particular way of speaking and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to limit my definition of what an ideal American male is based on the picture of a grown-up male with a boyish face, scruffy beard, wearing a cowboy hat, a white tank top under a flannel shirt of some sort, blue jeans, a belt with a big buckle, and cowboy boots with a particular way of speaking.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to limit my self by believing all "true" ideal American males are wild such as drinking beer, being loud, driving big trucks, river boat fishing, being with lots of women, fighting, and latent bromosexuality as well as believing that they are simple through doing the same thing every day and not worrying about the world's problems, growing up and growing old around the same people all one's days and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to blame my self as my memories of my self for not existing in and as the ideal American male which I have defined as "wild" and "simple".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to limit my self definition as life to what I believe to be the ideal American male.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that I must be like everyone else around me and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe that I must use what I am given such as location, genetic history and physical memory, experience, and family like everyone else that has come before me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to charge the sound of country/western music with a positive value and use that positive energy to degrade my self as self image through what I believe to be the ideal American male as the picture of a wild, simple grown-up male with a boyish face, scruffy beard, white tank top under a flannel shirt of some sort, blue jeans, a belt with a big buckle, and cowboy boats with a particular way of talking.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge the sound of country/western music as the sound of the ideal American male and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self as not the ideal American male.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to believe one becomes the ideal American male by farming and tending to livestock and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to go into an emotional expression of blame based on my realization that I did not do these things when I had the chance and through this I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self based on my memories of my self experience as staying in with the females and cooking and cleaning.
Welcome to my blog, Relegate for Life. Here I keep a journal of my journey, day to day occurences and process moments. Enjoy.